All my life as a Christian I was told to find God’s will. I had no idea in the beginning what that was or how to do it. Any attempt to find out resulted in me being pushed aside so the more popular kids could find God’s Will.

So for a time I fumbled around looking for his will.

As time went on I noticed some things that happened while in church.

I recall one family who son went in the back yard to play. They called him for dinner and he never came. So they went outside to find him and discovered him face down in the mud not breathing. As I recall the child died.

At the funeral and in the halls of the church I would hear that “God had his reasons” or “It was God’s will and he has a purpose for this.”

Time went on. A man in our church spent every minute not at work at the church working. Sometimes he brought his wife and kids and sometimes he just went straight from work. They never went to the movies or go anywhere on vacation. All his spare time was spent at the church.

All my life as a Christian I was told to find God’s will. I had no idea […] what that was or how to do it. His wife left him for a single man in the church. He had lots of time on his hands and it wasn’t spent in church. I remember the uproar it caused and how everyone rallied around the husband after his wife left him. Supporting him and say “God has a plan for you.” and “It must be what the Lord wants.” and of course being reminded he was free to spend all his time serving the Lord at the church.

I recall one family that let their son go to church. This family wasn’t a church member but their kids went. One day they went rafting. All the adults were drunk and the raft was not properly inflated. They hit a rock and their oldest son, about 8 years old, went flying into the river. His body was found a few days later.

At the funeral it was reminded that “It was God’s Will” and that he sometimes calls young ones home for a reason.

I recall people dying of cancer, families being divided, women living with violent abusive husbands, but it was all God’s Will.

In 1997 I was living with my parents, my health was bad, my job was min. wage and a dead end, there were major problems with my family at home and my life was going nowhere. But it was ok, as long as I was doing God’s will.

Is this what I was to look for in my life? This was it? This was God’s Will? Constant suffering and agony is the best he can do for me?

I have found God’s Will and I don’t want it. Sorry God, got better things to do.

Oh look! A Cheetos shaped like Jesus….crunch!

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